What I’ve learned

When someone gives you the finger, wave back at them…with your bare bottom.
There is no excuse that hasn’t been used yet.
Kids are good when they eat, better when they play, and the best when they sleep.
If you want results, you might get the ones you don’t want.
There are many ways to make it through the day, but only one to get through the night.
You should do two things every day – laugh and cry.
You can have a good time with the right attitude.
I enjoy learning. Otherwise I couldn’t have made up this list.
You can get in trouble if you’re not careful.
You may think there is no point. There really is, you just don’t have to think about it.
There are some things that deserve to be left alone…like the coins in the fountain.
The intelligent man is the one with a happy wife, well-behaved kids, and nice car.
There are some personalities that will always be “in progress”.
If I had a dollar in my pocket – it would be clean for sure.
Be generous to everybody. Karma works.
I’ve climbed ropes, ladders, stairs, trees…I’m still not sure why.
Every creature has a purpose. At least that’s the idea.
I don’t need more things, just better things.
Sometimes I think I might live a long time. Other times I just don’t know.
Let me just say, pizza is good almost anytime of the day or night.
Even though I graduated college, I still feel like an idiot sometimes.
I never ate something I couldn’t pronounce.
A fool once gave me the wrong stinkin’ directions.
Give a man a compliment and you’ve just wasted it.
I made a deal that sounded good at the time. That’s what I get for making deals.
Never say something important to someone who is not paying attention to you.
Always trust God. He is the only one that can be totally trusted.
When you borrow money, it had better be for a good reason.
If a spaceship landed on Earth, and offered you a ride, make sure you have free time.
I may not be ready for anything, but I should be prepared for something.
Never give something away unless you absolutely don’t want it back…ever.
The office can be boring if you work there, but fun to visit and mock the workers there.
My favorite ingredient is marshmallow, of course.
Always feel good about yourself. You’re the only one who knows your secrets anyway.
The hardest thing about life is having to shave all the time.
If doctors suddenly quit, we would have to stop hurting each other.
I’m not afraid of fear. It’s a waste of time. And it’s not that scary.
Always have plenty of licorice (red) when you go to the movies.
I love people that love me. I’m one of them.
When I’m dead, too bad for you world!
What kind of fool cares about what other people know. I mean really.When that guy created the Internet, he knew he would be famous. You know…that one guy.